1.
How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?
I
have understood, embraced & living poly for over 6 years. I
turned 30 and we flipped our then 10 yr monogamous marriage around
and at the time wanted to “spice things up”. I found
swinging, not really for me and needed something more as my husband
felt the same. We talked, talked & talked more and went thru many
discussions as to how we were going to date, deal with feelings,
relationship dynamics, etc. We learned during all that, what we were
building had a name and I started educating and still read all i can
on Polyamory. Over the first few yrs, experienced “unicorn”
dating. We weren’t the stereotypical unicorn hunters, and 8 years
later I have evolved on many levels.
2.
What does your relationship dynamic look like?
I
am currently in an open triad (MFF). No one is currently dating
anyone outside our triad, and no one has had a serious partner, yet
but the option is open. We are mainly, egalitarian but we fallen into
individual roles. We all live together, a big blended family of 8. We
have lived together for a year and been together almost 2 years. The
kids range from 15 – 4.
3.
What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?
I
think I excel at communication & compersion. I encourage everyone
to discuss their feelings. I think I work well at “self-evaluation”
and able to accept and see what my partners may have an issue with
when it involves me. I started a group inbox for us. So during the
day we all know whats going on and don’t have to repeat or forget to
tell each other something. I encourage individual dates, I think its
extremely important for the traid to have the individual
relationships, as well as I love to see them intimately interact.
4.
What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?
I
struggle with patience and being over protective. WIth our home life
and so many personalities, I have to relax and have patience for
things to fall into a natural vibe. The kids feeling more like
siblings, the kids looking to all the adults as caring parents and
the adults working cohesively. I get very fustrated when it seems we
aren’t flowing as a family. As far as being over protective, I
encourage my partners to build happy healthy relationships. But as
they say, I give everyone the side-eye until they prove they are
worthy of my partners companionship. Not many people understand
polyamory and have the wrong intentions. Many are just looking for
sex.
5.
How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?
Mostly,
I reassure myself that all things will fall into place. Talk to the
kids and my partners. My partners are great, we know when we need a
moment away from the house. Also, we work well together and they may
be already on top of something that needs to be done. And to deter
“issues”, and stay connect and to calm “momma bear”
nerves, we always talk about whom we may find interested in, getting
to know or is showing an interest in 1 of us.
6.
In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to
protect one another?
Right
now, its only the 3 of us and we test at least once a year. Indepth
discussion will be had, once someone has another partner. But condoms
are an understood must, without being said.
7.
What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made in your polyamorous
history and how did you rebound from that?
I
have to say, nothing grossly erroneous has happened. Mostly, it has
been trial and error. I learned after a few dates, not to get too
excited. Wait for people to show you, rather than listen to what they
think, you want to hear. I would give my all before they had showed
they were as interested as I was.
(Bonus:
Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are
involved with that you would like to promote?)
Currently,
I host monthly poly meeting for the Philadelphia chapter of Black &
Poly.
