This has been rolling around in my head an on my iPhone for a while now. I’m putting it up here to see what I should add to it.
Some of this I knew and some of this I have learned in the last decade.
Let me know if I got anything wrong.
- Don’t rape.
- Don’t oppress.
- Don’t use oppressive language.
- Don’t do anything to anyone that they don’t consent to.
- That joke, sort of off color, kind of fucked up, racist or sexist or ablest. Don’t stop at just not laughing. You tell that fucker off. You don’t protect strangers being picked on, that’s not your job, you just tell those around you that you aren’t going to stand for that shit.
- You’re walking down the hall and someone is starring at a woman’s ass, they look to you for approval. That smile says “nice, right?” You don’t just shake your head. You tell them off. You don’t let it go.
- When your friend makes a pass at a woman in a bar/train station/street/anywhere and she doesn’t want to flirt back or she doesn’t want to be bothered, drag your friend away. Don’t agree with him later that “she’s a bitch.” Let him know that he’s an asshole. Let him know that it wasn’t not okay.
- Realize a friend rolling their eyes at your or telling you that you are a stick in the mud or taking things too seriously or that you are PC isn’t the end of the world.
- Realize that being called PC just means you are not (that much of) an asshole. PC is codeword for not supporting oppression and oppressive behavior. To all the people who say things like “I’m not ‘PC,’ I speak my mind!” they can go fuck themselves because I am PC AND I speak my mind. My mind isn’t just full racist, sexist, homophobic, and ablest crap.
- And face the fact that your mind isn’t always going to be all good or all unbiased. How could it be? Every second of every day we are told we have the right to do anything we want. That’s why you need to second guess yourself. You need to listen when other people call you on your shit. You need to think before you speak, as Craig Ferguson said:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said right now?
- Yeah, it’s not easy. It may seem easy online, but when you are at a bar with real friends? When you are in high school? When you are in college? When you are at your workplace?
- Think it is too hard? Imagine being a black woman in America. Imagine being gay in the Bible Belt. Imagine being trans* or any POC or anyone who isn’t part of the group that controls everything. Imagine not being invisible to cops and assumed to be innocent. Imagine not being the default. Imagine not being the good guy in every movie.
- Be a good ally. Not just to help others, but because it makes the world better for you.
- Don’t confuse misandry with blowback, because the first one doesn’t exist. Same with “reverse racism.”
- Don’t expect trust or respect or fairness by those who have been treated unfairly, and have been disrespected all or most of their lives.
- You shut the fuck up and listen to those around you who are being oppressed and speak the fuck up against those around you doing the oppressing.
- You don’t tell anyone how they should feel outraged or how they should react to things that happen to them.
