Switchette

thekeysofalicia:

A REVELATION

For as long as I can remember, I’ve hidden myself. It might
have started in school when I realized that I caught on to things a little
quicker, and teachers started to show slight favor to me, or use me as an
example. I remember feeling like my friends would make fun of me or look at me
as if I was different from them and so… I started hiding. Not intentionally, I
didn’t mean to, but I did. Little pieces at a time.

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I definitely started hiding when I got old enough to walk
down my NY streets alone. I started to notice a drastic difference in how men
would relate to me if I had on jeans, or if I had on a skirt, or if my hair was
done pretty. I could tell the difference, I could feel the animal instinct in
them and it scared me. I didn’t want to be talked to in that way, looked at in
that way, whistled after, followed. And so I started hiding. I chose the baggy
jeans and timbs, I chose the ponytail and hat, I chose no makeup, no bright
color lipstick or pretty dresses. I chose to hide. Pieces at a time. Less
trouble that way.

I remember feeling that same way when I first started to get
recognized as an artist. I had the baggy/braided/tough NY tomboy thing
mastered, that was who I was (or who I chose to be) and I felt good there.
Then, because of the way I spoke or carried myself, people started calling me
gay and hard and I wasn’t gay, but I was hard and although I felt comfortable
there, it made me uncomfortable that people were judging me and so slowly I hid
that side of myself. I put on dresses and didn’t braid my whole head up, so
people could see more of the “real” me, even though at that point I’m sure I
was more confused then ever of what the real me was.

I remember one interview I gave had strong social thoughts
from a book I just read. The writer misunderstood me and wrote something that I
didn’t say. I felt judged by those reading it. Out came the shell again and me
under it. Hiding, piece by piece. Little by little. More and more.

I became comfortable hiding, my intelligence, my physical
appearance, my truths, my thoughts, myself.

To this day, every time I get out of the shower to get
dressed, I swear the first thought that comes into my head is, what can I wear
that won’t cause too much attention when I go pick up Egy, or head to the
store, or go shopping, or visit a friend etc.

And just the other day it hit me! OMG! Alicia!!! Why are you
choosing to be that person?? That is so old and outdated!! STOP!!

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You are allowed to be smart

You are allowed to be beautiful

You are allowed to be radical and have strong thoughts that
others might not agree with

You are allowed to be tough

You are allowed to be sexy

You are allowed to be bold

You are allowed to be shapely

You are allowed to be kind

You are allowed to be yourself!!

And guess what!?? I can be all these things all at the same
time. I don’t have to give up one to be the other. I don’t have to hide
anymore, I don’t have to pretend and hold back, I don’t have to think that my
intelligence, beauty and sensuality are intimidating to others. Who cares??!!!
I don’t have to think my silliness, clumsiness, or hallmark card optimism, is
something I can’t be proud of! Who cares????!!!!

I don’t have to try to go unnoticed

I don’t have to fit in

I don’t have to close up my thoughts and only speak my truth
through songs!

I can speak it everyday

Live it everyday

Be it everyday

Dress it everyday

Show it everyday

Grow it everyday!!!

I only got 28,000 of those days. So what the FUCK am I
waiting for??

And dammit that’s what I’m doing!!!!

#inspiredbythegreatest #Ali

Photo: @brendanforbes