mysubmissionjournal:
Something my Dom has been emphasizing a lot the last week and this last weekend has been how important my daily oral services exercises are. It’s one of the purest and most important shows of submission, respect, focus, and gratitude that there is in a D/s relationship. It also should never be taken for granted. It’s a constant challenge when you do something this consistently over time, keeping it fresh and purposeful every single time isn’t easy. I can see how that also makes it a helpful measuring stick for Dom’s, so they can see how our effort sand enthusiasm changes from day to day and over time. I’m always aware of my level of effort and enthusiasm and I do self correct without being told to very often, it’s just hard to keep things from getting repetitive and stale over time. Even the most humble and determined oral service gets old if you do it enough.
It’s been an interesting learning curve fro me since we started. Blowjobs, as I’m no longer allowed to call them, seemed pretty easy. I feel like I knew the difference between a good one and a bad one, but most guys just seem happy that you even put their penis in your mouth. Starting out with my Dom, it was hard having the use of my hands taken away immediately and learning how to use only my mouth and body to be what drove the effort and pleasure. Soon after that, I had to learn that it had to be so much more tun just getting him off with my mouth. There was so much more than needs to be shown and communicated throughout the entire process. Of course his pleasure was the priority, but I had to learn how to show true focus and determination, as he would instruct me, I needed to be desperate to please him and to receive his cum. That’s what he insisted upon and that’s what I needed to resign myself to be. Being completely selfless and focused on what he needed would lead to me finding a new level of satisfaction and fulfillment I’d never felt before, and he was right. There’s this almost this dizzying feeling of lustful catharsis and primal satisfaction after allowing myself to be that humble and desperate.
So that’s what we’ve been working on finding our way back to the last couple of days. In a lot of ways, I think I’m overthinking it. There’s no real trick to it, it just has to be sincere and honest. There can’t be a hint of “going through the motions” or “just getting it over with”. Every opportunity I’m given to please my Dom through oral service, I have to find that focus, humility, and gratitude. It’s not just the oral service that has to please him, it’s also my attitude, body language, and graciousness too.
As you can probably tell, I’m still kind of working through the mental part and trying to get myself where I need to be. It’s kind of like listening to your favorite song after a while, it takes a little effort to remember all of the reasons you love it so much.
