unapologeticallyphrankeii:

How deep is your hatred for women if you think that simply asking for equality is hatred against men.

asubmissiveintraining:

youneedafirmhand:

asubmissiveintraining:

asubmissiveintraining-deactivat:

First off:
50 shades is an example of an abusive relationship.

If you relationship even remotely mirrors 50 shades, seek help.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…

It really depends. I have followed people for almost a year who have found fulfilling relationships over tumblr, collarme, fetlife, real life, etc. No matter what the arena, you will find creeps everywhere. No method is necessarily safer than another because kink is underground because society is stupid.

Now, how you find your kinky partner depends on your needs. Can you do LDR? Do you want them to be an integral part of your life?

Now, people will have different opinions, but for me I feel like these are the big tip-offs (feel free to jump in)

1. Dominants who are most likely to be safe are incredibly patient. They aren’t in a rush. They understand that finding a submissive takes time. If you are not ready to move forward, they will accept that. They will be honest with their needs but not push anything on you.

2. Dominants who are most likely to be safe ask you tons of questions about why you’re interested. They won’t take for granted that you say you’re interested. They want to know WHY. They want to see what makes you tick. If they take your interest at face value, without inquiry, it means they aren’t invested in finding the right sub, which means they’re most likely not the real deal. They also don’t mind you asking tons of questions about them.

3. Dominants who are most likely to be safe don’t push you to reveal info too quickly. A lot of people in the life have normal vanilla lives that could be ruined if they are out. They respect privacy and will respect yours. If they are out in the community, they won’t use that push you to do something you wouldn’t.

4. Dominants who are most likely to be safe don’t want to play at first meeting. Now I know I’ll get some flack for this because “the chemistry was great! I knew what I wanted!” Those are exceptions to the rules. Some people find their soulmate after one glance across the room (it happens) that doesn’t mean the guy who steps on your toe on the train will father your babies.

5. Dominants who are most likely to be safe believe in a safe word.

Even 24/7 relationships have a safe word. That safe word is likely the submissives actions. You know someone so well that you know when to stop. This again, like 4., is not true for everyone and every situation.

Further- Dominants are pretty well attuned, but they aren’t mind readers. They tend to find cues refreshing and helpful. Dominants may like to hit, but mainly they’re controlling from a caring place. They want to be sure you’re happy.

6. Dominants who are most likely to be safe don’t believe in the “right” way to do bdsm, only the kind of bdsm that rings most true for them. Dominants are pretty open- you have to be to be into kinky play. They may not be into something, but they will only say it is “wrong” if they feel it is causing harm not wanted by either the Dominant or submissive.

7. Dominants who are most likely to be safe place dominance over sex. Everyone loves sex, sex is great. Many dominant and submissive relationships involve tons of sex. But it isn’t the focus. Dominants who understand this are more likely to understand the nuances of dominance and submission, and will hold your safety as highest priority.

8. Dominants who are most likely to be safe like when you talk to others in the life. They want to to learn and grow and understand you need someone besides them. If they make you only talk to them, or say, they know best, leave immediately.

9. Dominants who are most likely to be safe think of you as a person first. If they talk to you on first meeting as though you are a submissive, they are too narrow minded. Now, they can make you feel tingly and subby, but there’s a difference between giving off dominant vibes and treating you like a submissive. Discussions prior to play are always on equal footing (even 24/7 ones started out this way).

10. Dominants who are most likely to be safe are picky as fuck. You are picky as a submissive, understandably, but so are Dominants. Submisisves are HARD WORK. They will not freely give up that time and energy just for anyone. Those who aren’t aloof and slow are likely just in it for sex with an “easy target.”

11. Dominants who are most likely to be safe don’t give you any creepy vibes. Not even a smidge. Trust your gut. If gut isn’t 200% sure, I don’t care what the dominant seems like, leave immediately.

Please feel free to add more. This is what I could think of top of my head.

Anything to add anyone? 🙂

I would add that there’s no hard rules about what makes a D/s relationship. All you’re into is light spanking and saying “sir” in bed? That’s D/s. Hard bondage, toys, leather? Or just “daddy picks out girl’s panties for the day”? That can be D/s…if that’s how you define it.  Be comfortable and don’t feel like you have to live up to someone else’s standards of what a BDSM relationship is.

This is a great addition, thank you.

goddess-river:

1. That nudity is inherently sexual
2. That people should be judged for their personal decisions
3. That yelling solves problems
4. That they are too young to be talking about the things they’re already starting to ask questions about
5. That age correlates to importance
6. That interacting with someone of the opposite sex is inherently romantic
7. That the default for someone is straight and cisgender

Never forget 3 types of people in your life:

1. Who helped you in your difficult times.
2. Who left you in your difficult times.
3. Who put you in difficult times.