Yes! Even non blog related things. You can rant about work, your parents… Your kids.. Your noisy neighbors…
Month: May 2014
can you elaborate on being ethically non-monogamous? I saw you reblog a quote on not equating commitment with monogamy, feel like this is something you’ve thought on considerably.
StandardSo, my boyfriend and I practice ethical non-monogamy in the sense that he and I are primary partners who are open to exploring other relationships and encounters with people.
He has a couple of ladies in his life. I have my Daddy and I’m kind of navigating okcupid a bit to see where it takes me.
We have a policy of accountability. He tells me who he is seeing and when, as do I. We tell each other how stuff went and check in about doing new stuff with our partners to make sure the other is all right with it. In the end, we’re each other’s home bases.
So, as you see, even in the absence of monogamy, our relationship involves a ton of commitment.
So much good stuff here.
I actually stopped breathing when I came across these images of brklynbreed. (those arms those lips those tattoos good gracious…) After being resuscitated I drooled over the pretty hand-made dapper bowties she makes for her online store, and then died again when I read her blog posts like this one…. and this one… because I’m in awe of anyone so hot and so talented. Just all the yes.
Who knew I’d like clothespins so much?
(well Daddy knew, but shush)
I know I’m late to the clothespin party but this used to be one of my hard limits, ouchies on my super-sensitive nipples was a big time No. But as I started to play with pain more I’ve been a little braver and now I can confidently say I like it. I tend to need a lot of stimulation to cum, so if time is of the essence the instant spike in sensation is often enough to push me over the edge. And also? It’s an easy way to play with pain when I’m all by myself.
But the best part is how they kinda ache after and feel all sensitive when they brush against the inside of your shirt. I love that little reminder of my blushiest moments.
The anonymity of being hooded serves both as practical identity protection and as a point of objectification.
stop equating commitment with monogamy. stop it
Mine!
LinkHere’s a memory from when abitofamasochist visited me recently. It’s a great example of how great sex doesn’t necessarily mean orgasms.
She was mine.
Well.. she was already mine, by agreement, but that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about how she trusted me, letting me…
How do you know you can trust someone when you play with them?? how do you know they wont keep you and use you in ways you don’t want to be used even if there are other people there. i mean what if they are all in on it?
StandardVery important question!
To kick things off, you should talk online before any physical meeting. Make it clear that you are nervous and want to be sure they’re worth your time. Be explicit! If they yell at you or tell you that you have to push your boundaries because you’re just a cunt or whatever, stop talking to them. I have talked to too many women who heeded the warning signs too late. Any guy who is unable to distinguish the fantasy part of your relationship from the empathetic part is NOT SOMEONE YOU NEED TO BE TALKING TO.
After you’ve talked for a while online, maybe graduate to texting or phone calls or Skype. It’s only after it becomes clear that you have both some sexual chemistry and some emotional chemistry, that should you meet.
The first time you meet DO NOT HAVE SEX. At all. No sex. Make it clear beforehand that sex of any kind is 100% off the table. It’s an opportunity to get to know each other, to see if it will work. And if ANYTHING feels weird or off, do not escalate things. I can’t stress this enough. Even if you can’t articulate what is making you uneasy, trust your intuitions. Don’t do the girl thing, where you feel obliged to make people happy, to sacrifice for them. You are not under any obligation to let them fuck you. You don’t owe them anything. Just try again with someone new. Or, at the very least, ask to meet again in a sex-completely-off-the-table environment.
Once you’ve screened your way to an actual sexual encounter, lay out some clear ground rules. Establish a safe word. Anyone who says they don’t do safe words is a piece of shit and you should toss them to the curb. Lay out a set of things you are willing to do the first time – and keep them well below your thresholds. Make them prove that they can honor those restrictions before you expand the menu. Even if you think you want to expand beyond what you put on the menu, wait until your next time. Over time, as you get to know yourself better, you’ll develop a good sense of where you can be pushed in a hot and fun way, versus when being pushed will end up being traumatic. But when you’re just getting started the guidelines are important to prevent yourself from hurting yourself, too.
If at all possible, arrange to play in a situation of your choosing. Maybe at an event where other people will be. Or you can arrange a hotel room or something. If you have friends that you can trust to tell what’s up, inform them where you’ll be and tell them that you’ll call when things are done to let them know you’re okay. Ideally, you should give that friend the info about your play partner – and let them know that you’ve done so. I know it’s a little embarrassing, but it’s really important.
I know I’m stressing a bunch of the negatives about this stuff, and I don’t mean to be a downer. This stuff is a blast! You will have a great time. But I just want to reiterate that you are 100% in charge and need to make it clear that this is the case. Even if what you want is to be treated like an object, you need to remain in control of the start and end to that fantasy. Anyone who objects isn’t worth your time.