rohosub:

mister-sir1:

I really don’t mean to be rude or dismissive, but I think you are having difficulty distinguishing between porn and reality here. Unlike porn—where you can see images of men forcibly dominating other men and where physical abuse (punishment) results in the subs providing sexual service to the Dom—a real-life Dom/sub relationship is (or should be) completely consensual on both parts. In other words, a Dom does not “make” someone submit; instead he participates in a carefully prepared scene with someone who wants to act in a submissive role. This scene can last anywhere from a few minutes to an entire lifetime, but the key is that both parties are willing participants who respect each other. Making (forcing) someone to submit is assault.

I know I post images with captions that cast men as worthless slaves who deserve to be treated with deliberate cruelty and who have no say-so as to what happens to them. This is pure fantasy. In reality, I treat my partner the way he wants to be treated. I am fortunate enough to have found someone whose fantasies mirror mine, so our desires are complementary. He wants to be thought of as a slave. He wants physical pain. He wants to have decisions made for him. He wants to be restrained. And I want the exact opposite. I want to do all the things to him that he wants.

Did I train him? Yes. But he also trained me. I trained him how to do things the way I like them done, and he trained me how to do things that appeal to his sense of submissiveness.

Do I punish him? Yes. But not with whips and paddles (he enjoys those too much) but with moodiness and tantrums. And he punishes me the same way. It’s what two people in any kind of relationship do when they don’t think they’re getting what they deserve.

This response is far longer than I had intended, but I hope you can understand that the essence of a successful Dom/sub (or Master/slave) relationship is consent through communication, not by brute force.

This is mainly a heterosexual femdom blog but I’m reblogging this blog entry from a gay male master because he captures the difference between BDSM porn and D/s real life, “spot on”. This is important!

littlepinkkittenlingerie:

3liza:

bdsm except i strap you down and make you take vitamins and drink enough water and get enough sleep and cut toxic people out of your life and give you a hug and a massage and tell you what a strong person you are

The thing people don’t realise is this is BDSM at it’s best. It doesn’t have to be “I tie you up and have sex with you all day”.