One of my resolutions was more self care and nice things for myself.
So yay a nice cup of tea.
No, I’m not naked in my apartment in this weather. But I figured I’d better take my shirt off to stay true to the theme of this blog.
tea
Ultraviolet Tells All, Except for the Things He Doesn’t
I started this blog because I am bad at kink. I am bad at accepting my desires. I am bad at articulating my desires. I am bad at listening and truly comprehending exactly what people are saying. I am also a naively trusting individual in a lot of ways, which has caused me a lot of problems. Basically, I’m pre-“self respect” Scott Pilgrim, but without the awesome video game fight sequences and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I don’t even get Brie Larson as a consolation prize.
I wish I could press a button and have it make it so I’m cool with my identity, my desires, all that crap, but that button just doesn’t exist. And even on this mostly anonymous blog, I’m still self-censoring a lot of my kinks. Some of them I haven’t shared with any partner of mine, ever, and despite the fact that only one follower (I hope) even knows what state I’m in, and none of them know me IRL AFAIK, I haven’t said anything on here that past partners haven’t already known.
Goddamnit, Ivy, you make it look so easy.
Also same.
“Goddammit, Ivy, you make it look so easy.”
Except it’s not. I’m sorry to break it to you. It’s not easy. I guess I just fake it until it looks that way.
I was talking to Penthouse when this came across my dash and I told him about it. “You’re a hero,” he said.
“I’m a fumbling one,” I replied.
And so he clarified: “Not the hero Gotham dreams of. But the hero it needs. You’re the Batman, Poison Ivy. Not bad.”
In all seriousness, it’s not easy. I fumble all the time. I say the wrong thing or stuff gets awkward. There’s an example of it, a series of posts, chilling in my queue right now that will shed some light on that. Because I’m not some Kink Goddess. I’m figuring out stuff as I go along and I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes I don’t articulate what I want and sometimes I don’t give myself the things I deserve.
I started this blog out of my own weakness and shame about the things I liked and the things I wanted. I never thought people would start asking me for advice or holding me up as some standard of kink-positivity. And while I am immensely flattered, I do need to clarify that I’m not always good at accepting my desires, I can be incredibly naive and trusting, and I’m not always 100% on self respect.
As I’m finishing up this post, Penthouse has texted me once more, adding that I should “go pose on top of a skyscraper at dusk. The city deserves to not see its hero in person.” So, uh, sorry for just getting super vulnerable there and doing exactly that.
But, I suppose I’d like to leave it at this: things are never going to be perfect, but there are going to be those moments where everything falls exactly where it should. And these are the moments to be treasured.
Rock on with your bad selves, kink like nobody’s business, and stay classy.
<3, Ivy
I definitely get this way. When someone topping me tries to prove a point by denying me in some way, I just can’t handle it. I’m far from subtle when trying to communicate how I really think the dynamic should be working.
I believe some people call it “topping from the bottom”.
“Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time.”
— Haruki Murakami
He’s not going to even think about her until after he’s had his second cup, at the very least.