Because I am lowkey the chattiest lay ever:
Pup, during a conversation about dirty talk and sex noises: I’ve always preferred just noise over talking, honestly. I dirty talk because I know you love it.
Me: Aw, really? I mean, we could totally try being quiet. That could be kind of hot.
Pup: Babydoll, no offense, but I don’t think you can have sex without talking.
Legit like I just had to go to the bathroom and Sir was like, “oh everyone is definitely asleep don’t bother getting dressed.” And so I like walk out there and his roommate is coming out of the bathroom so I was like “shit” and freaking booked it back into the bedroom where Sir is sitting there laughing hysterically. And I’m like, “oh my God your freaking roommate is out there.” And he goes, “oh, yeah, I knew that. I saw him in the kitchen. I thought it would be funny.” (This individual has already seen me naked in another context but GAH.) And the roommate’s at the door like trying to talk all serious through laughter, “hey, Ivy, are you all right?” And I’m all, “go away.” And now Sir is just like sitting here in bed like pretending to apologize but every time he tries to he just starts laughing. So this is the person I decided to be with, apparently.
I just noticed the tags on this (#thinkivykink in particular) and you are very, very mean.
The Exam, Part One
She squirmed a little on the crinkly paper of the table. “Daddy,” she said in her smallest voice, “I’m scared.”
“Nothing to be nervous about, sweetheart,” Daddy said, stroking her hair and adjusting her headband. “I’ll be right here the whole time. And we’re only here to do what’s best for you.”
“That’s right,” said the doctor, closing the door behind him and flipping through her chart. “I’m sure this is all going to be quite routine, young miss. We’ll get you taken care of in no time, and then your daddy can take you out for a treat. Won’t that be nice?”
She bit her lip and nodded.
So doctortease is an amazing writer but also like a total meanie.
So, I don’t know. If you wanna go support a meanie, go read this story because maybe I touched myself to it and then noticed the tag at the bottom and was like “you fucker” whatever maybe not who cares.
Somebody has been wearing her big-girl sassy panties lately.
Somebody has been getting a little mouthy about what other people should or shouldn’t do with their time.
Somebody believes she can make manifest her desires in the world with magic.
Somebody has expressed fantasies about being shackled, boxed, plugged, and shipped off to be just one more helpless squirmy pet in a whole collection of girltoys.
Somebody should be very careful what she wishes for.
Yeah uh remember how I said I haven’t been scared lately?
Okay, you win.
Heh.
Me: You’re trying to turn me into a regular whore.
Sir: A regular whore, as opposed to what? A special kind of whore? Don’t be silly, sweetheart.
You know, I felt bad for not sending you a message on your birthday, especially after the rather high standard I set for myself last year.
So I did some brainstorming with my cats who, incidentally, were curious about the removable nature of your tail and wondered why a kitty would want to be without her tail, like, ever… I tried to explain about the vibrating and the blah blah blah, but you can’t reason with cats.
So I did some brainstorming with my cats about what would be best for a belated type of birthday message. We shared some drinks on the rocks while the hellfire smouldered and decided that it might be fun to throw you a surprise party!
But clearly an ordinary surprise party would only be appropriate for an ordinary girl and since you’re anything but ordinary we thought that maybe we could make it a ‘Surprise! I know you just woke up naked and chained, but we’re all here to celebrate and we need some drinks so be a good girl and don’t make a fuss’ kind of surprise party. Wouldn’t that be fun?
But then I remembered this unfortunate incident…
…and so I got to digging though my drafts folder (which is only slightly larger than all of tumblr) in order to find a more suitable birthday tribute idea, and fortunately I found one! Think of it like a pattern for the prettiest little summery dress, but adapted to something a little more your style. Maybe Mr. Craftsmate, handy as we all know him to be, could help you make it?
I hope you enjoy it. I’d suggest adding some wheels.
Happy Birthday Ivy. I hope 2014 treats you better than I do. 😉
Mr. Why Ess-acly
—-
Oh my gosh you big meanie.
Where all the girls who wanted to dress up all pretty and be like princesses end up.
HMPH.
