When I was driving home from the gym, this song came on the radio. SG had sent it to me a month or so after it came out. That enough sort of stung, but then:

“Well, I know that I’m not all that you got. I guess that I, I just thought, you and me would find new ways to fall apart.”

Elle once told me radios were psychic like that. Once, when she and I were fighting in her car, our song came on the radio and she patted the dashboard with a chuckle.

It all sort of felt like a cruel joke.

But it was really those words that got to me. I had never been too upset about his girlfriend beyond the occasional hiccup, never cared about his other hookups at all. This one made me feel gutted. I thought of them, briefly, together, and I actually felt nauseous.

And so I started screaming in traffic. Windows up, of course. 

I’m heading out in a bit to a friend’s 21st birthday. Hopefully it will take my mind off of everything. Odds are, I’ll probably need someone carrying me home tonight. Whatever.

Ivy out.