Okay… well… I have three answers to this: (1) We all want perfect, (2) nobody’s perfect, and (3) stop wasting your time worrying about this stuff so just decide to pad one of your breasts or not and go live.
First answer: Like it or not, humans and (I think nearly all animals) are attracted to symmetry, to the point that even your choice of clothing can make a small but measurable difference. Here’s advice from a professional stripper to would-be strippers:
One thing that I cannot emphasize enough- NEVER ever wear an asymmetrical dress (hem cut at an angle or one shoulder strap). As most people know, men subconsciously look at certain physical attributes as signs of good genetics and a desirable partner – boobs, hips etc. They also look for something anthropologists call “Bilateral Symmetry” which means that your arms and legs are the same length, your torso is straight etc. An asymmetrical dress throws this off. It may look nice but you can actually chart the drop in earnings on a night to night basis.
Second: Everybody has some degree of asymmetry! Take a look at anyone not wearing make-up and you’ll see differences in their face, especially around the eyes. Breast asymmetry is very, very common and if you don’t believe me you can jfgi! Contrary to my first answer, unless you’re making money with your body, it’s simply negligible compared to everything else. Most guys won’t notice, and the ones that notice and care are pretty-much-by-definition the shallow guys who aren’t worth fucking might be fun to fuck but who’s opionion shouldn’t affect you either way.
My third answer is a bit more general and can be best expressed with two minutes of Katt Williams. I can’t endorse most of what he says but these 114 seconds are spot on. 🙂
Or just don’t give two and a half fucks about it? If you find an asymmetrical dress you love, fucking wear the shit out of it. If you feel sexier in one of those custom bras that evens you out, wear one. If you feel sexy as an asymmetrical woman, be a goddamn asymmetrical woman.
My roommate in college had a third nipple in her goddamn armpit (apparently this is actually a common thing to happen) and the best day ever was when she was like, “fuck it, I am really warm” and started wearing some freaking tank tops. Her boyfriend finds it cute and charming because he’s a fucking grown-up and loves everything about her because this is the woman he loves. And anyway who cares what men are looking at?
Even if you’re making money with your body, oh well. If somebody’s being a goddamn eugenicist when he’s debating whether or not he wants to buy you a drink, throw one in his damn face. If he doesn’t like your porn, he can find other porn. There are people with serious disabilities still making some sexy-ass porn and sharing their beautiful bodies with the world.
Listen, I get it. I’ve got tons of issues with my body, and it’s so much easier to preach it than to live it. But you are so much more than your appearance, regardless of whether or not your career is based on it.
INTERVIEWER: Maybe your openness would serve you better if you reserved it for people you trust. Maybe you should protect yourself a little.
FIONA APPLE: I’ll be fine.
INTERVIEWER: But as you get older, you may realize you don’t have to share every thought that flickers across your brain.
FIONA APPLE: I just don’t feel that way. I resent limitations. I’m going to be this way for a while, and then the funny side of me is going to come out.
Slowly, people are going to realize they’re seeing a completely honest
evolution of human life. ~ Interview Magazine 1997
So, this is a tough one. Mostly because I view virginity as a [heteronormative, usually] construct and because I typically want to have sex with people in my age group. What this means is that someone who views themselves as a virgin and identifies as such usually places some value on the idea of virginity. As people leave their teens and get deeper into their twenties and still identify as virgins, that usually means this was for a very specific and serious reason. I don’t shame anyone for that, and if it’s something that is meaningful to them, I say all power to it.
But, what that means is that I’m in a position to do something that has held some serious weight for the person in the past. I say something because sex is a pretty broad term, depending on the gender of the person involved and what they consider “sex” to be. Some people consider cunnilingus to be sex, some don’t, for instance.
I do take the stuff I do seriously to the extent that I make informed decisions about what I want, I pace myself in a way that makes me feel comfortable and I keep the lines of communication wide open. But, I don’t ascribe the sort of seriousness to certain acts that someone who identifies as a virgin does. And I would prefer them to do stuff with someone who holds it to the same level of seriousness, who can honor it the way they want it to be honored.
Over Thanksgiving, I’d had that scary conversation with Sir where I admitted that I ad developed like feelings for Pup and this wasn’t just sort of play partners territory anymore. It’s hard for me to admit stuff is going well in poly, mostly because I never want to hurt anybody’s feelings. So I end up being like, “this person is okay,” when really I find the person awesome but don’t want to hurt Sir’s feelings. And as I’ve gotten into before, this has only ended poorly. So, this time I actually admitted I thought Pup was a really awesome person and I liked him a lot.
It went really well with Sir, but now I was all anxious about having the same conversation with Pup. I don’t even know what I really wanted out of it, and that was why it was so difficult for me. I wasn’t looking for anything to really change, it was more me wanting to express this and sort of be sure I wasn’t just sort of arbitrary booty or a rebound. It’s hard for me to tell if people like me sometimes or just enjoy the particular experience of whatever we’re doing divorced from me as a person.
So, the night I got back, I told him. We were in his bed with the lights off. I felt really nervous and silly the whole time. But, he was really sweet and that night we ended up having vanilla sex for the first time.
We didn’t really discuss that, as far as I remember. It just sort of happened. He pulled on a condom and I pulled him on top of me. He didn’t go as hard as he usually did, heis hands didn’t fall to my wrists or my throat.
I don’t want to prioritize vanilla sex over kinky sex as being more serious or more intimate or more emotional. Some of the most serious, intimate, emotional sex I’ve had was kinky sex. But there was something about how the sex was that night, and how we said each other’s names. I know it’s trite and cheesy, but it was really, really nice.
Thank you for reaching out and for allowing me to post my reply publicly.
The lack of photos has been due to both my busy schedule and some serious body image issues I’ve been having. With the first problem mostly resolved, I’ve now got to figure out how to tackle the second.
I appreciate the kind words here, and I’m glad that the lack of photos (and posting generally) elicits genuine concern rather than annoyance. Thank you. It’s really, truly a blessing to know you care.
