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Just for reference, and clarification.

This is my porn blog. I post here about sex, most of it involving some aspect of BDSM, female submission, and often degradation or nonconsent. These things get me off, and they seem to get a number of other people off too, so I’m happy to share.

But I should be very clear: I describe rape fantasy. I don’t condone rape culture.

As kinksters we like to pride ourselves on ethics, and there’s some good reason for that. Signaling, safewords, upfront negotiation, check-ins: these are all pretty solid consent technology. Moreover, since scening is by definition performance, it seems to help us grasp gender as performance too. It’s certainly helped me.

That said, securing a few words of informed consent before you tie somebody up and smack them is not the end goal, the final gamestate. If you’re reading this in English you probably exist in a culture that is frighteningly determined to propagate a contrived, confined, transactional model of women’s physical existence. Rape is a matter of course on this planet because that model works well for rapists. And if you’re not aware and disputing that in your speech and actions, every day, your ethics are bullshit, and the rapists are winning.

Consensual nonconsent can be, at its best, a safe place to explore and understand your own sexuality, on both sides of the actor/reactor divide. But the dangers of indulging the extant paradigm should be clear. If you ever find yourself agreeing–or not vocally disagreeing–that

  • not saying no is consent
  • a relationship is automatic consent
  • intoxication is ever consent
  • nice people can’t be rapists
  • prison rape is just
  • she led him on
  • she should have known better
  • he deserved it
  • it was her fault

Then you need to take a step back and check your fucking head.

This is really just a 101 post. I’m not a scholar on this subject and I have a lot to learn (failure to challenge and educate yourself is another way the system wins). There are many more and subtler aspects to rape culture than just the normalized act of rape. But I wanted to make it clear where I stand.

Thanks for reading past the cute pic with the butt and handcuffs. We now return to tying people up and smacking them around.

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