Someone: *lets me borrow their pencil*
Me: Yeah, they definitely dig me
Someone: Your lips look really soft…
Me: That’s a normal thing to say, they probably say it to everybody. I do moisturize often. I shouldn’t read too much into it

Me: okay so my sexuality’s a complicated deal so let’s just call me queer as hell
Friend: nono I wanna know can’t you explain it
Me: well ok mainly I am asexual which means I don’t want to do the do nor do I long for it, so it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or anything like that, I simply don’t find anyone sexually attractive
Friend: right right
Me: but I’m also bi romantic. The sexual and romantic attraction are different, and I still fall in love and want to have physical contact with my partner, I just don’t need the hanky panky
Friend: right cause you have a girlfriend that’s pansexual right
Me: exactly and as long as we’re both happy with not doing the rumba naked, that’s a valid relationship
Friend: I get it, I get it… I didn’t know the entire sexual and romantic orientations were different
Me: yeah I know it was an eyeopener for me when I found ou-
Lady behind us in line: excuse me so sorry but I couldn’t help but overhear but I didn’t know half of what you just said and I was just wondering what that thing your girlfriend was is, pansexual?
Me: *awkward glance at friend* oh uh I’m not an expert or anything and uh ok so basically it’s similar to being bisexual, but there’s less value in what gender the one you’re attracted to is, at least as I understood it. So a bisexual would be attracted to a person despite their gender, a pansexual wouldn’t really care at all in a way uh I’m sorry I’m bad at explaining
Lady behind us in line: that’s alright I can look it up myself later you gave me a general idea! So where did you find out these things, you’re pretty young?
Me: well, Internet. Once you’re a bit confused about what you might be you usually go looking for explanations…
Lady behind us in line: so uh in theory… It’s fine if you don’t know, I just want to check with you… Is there a thing called aROMANTIC? like you’re asexual, is there a equivalent to the romantic orientation you mentioned?
Me: oh yeah, absolutely! You can be both asexual and aromantic, or aromantic and heterosexual, literally all combinations are possible!
Lady behind us in line: *smiles LIKE REALLY GODDAMNED GENUINELY* thank you so much, I did not know that. *fishes up phone from pocket* now if you excuse me, I’m going to call my mother and tell her I’m not crazy for never having been married or stayed with one guy for long despite being 50+ but still has three children! *steps out of line and walks off while dialing*
Friend: wow that was… Amazing
Me: see how happy she got? That’s the power of right information.
And that’s why I’ve been smiling since this happened.

Me with romantic interest: Hi, how’ve you been lately? How’s that project you’re working on? Yeah? I’d love to see sometime, dude! How’s the family? Good, good. Well, I’ll talk to you later! Yeah we definitely need to hang out more often. Hopefully see you soon! 🙂
Me with platonic friend: YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE LAST I SAW YOU? HOW I’VE MISSED YOUR LUCID DIAMOND EYES, UGH I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECTLY SCULPTED, ARE YOU AN ANGEL MADE OF MARBLE LET’S GET MARRIED.

what she says: you can touch my hair if you want
what she means: please for the love of god play with my hair feel how soft it is I will roll over into your lap like a kitten

Me: gosh I’m tired.
Adult: *swoops in* YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO BE TIRED!! YOU’RE GENERATION IS SO LAZY!! MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T STAY UP TOO LATE!!!
Me: *looks into the camera like I’m on the office*

Me: I’m really into some kinda weird stuff. Are you into kinky sex?
Them: Oh definitely. I love hair pulling and neck biting, I’m REALLY kinky.
Me: No.. You don’t understand.

Me: *puts on cute underwear*
Me: …just in case.

dudes: “all men watch porn just get used to it”
dudes: “men just have stronger sex drives than women, its just biology”
dudes: “we can’t help objectifying women, its in our dna”
feminists: “rape happens a lot in our society and most are perpetrated by men, towards women, and i can’t tell the difference between safe men and dangerous men just by looking so i tend to be wary of men sometimes”
dudes: “NOW WAIT JUST A FUCKIN SECOND HOW CAN YOU GENERALIZE ALL MEN THATS SO UNFAIR”