submissiveinclination:

instructor144:

One of the first steps in every D/s relationship I’ve ever had – and, I’d wager, one of the first steps in most D/s relationships – is orgasm control. It’s very simple: the Dominant tells his new submissive, “Starting today, you will ask permission to have an orgasm.” By taking ownership of one of the most private and intimate aspects of his submissive’s being, the Dominant establishes the parameters of the power dynamic in dramatic and uncompromising fashion. Kudos, Domly Dom. Well done, lad. Solid effort.

But … do you always say “yes” when she asks permission?

From conversations I’ve had with submissives, the answer, more often than not, is most likely yes. Which, not to put too fine a point on it, completely misses the point. You are doing your girl a great disservice by saying “yes” every time she asks for permission to have an orgasm.

“But, but, but, she likes having orgasms, and I like having the power to tell her yes or no!” That’s great, it really is. But when you always say “yes,” you are sending the wrong signal. You are not handling your responsibility as a Dominant. You are giving your girl what she wants, but failing to give her what she needs. You’re not in her life to give her what she wants; if that were the case, you’d let her spend her days eating pizza and masturbating to Tumblr porn!

Your submissive recognizes, even if only on a subliminal level, that what she wants is not nearly as important as what she needs. And what she needs is to feel the “tug of the leash.” She needs to feel that your take your responsibility for this power she has surrendered to you seriously. She needs to feel that you actually think about whether to say yes or no. She needs to feel that your decision isn’t some pro forma, rubber stamp “Yeah, sure, babe, knock yourself out.”  She needs you to lead. So lead, dammit!

Try a little experiment for me: when she asks permission for an orgasm, try saying “no” from time to time. If she asks why, simply explain that “I’m not mad. This isn’t punishment. You are my very good girl. I’m simply choosing to exercising my prerogative to say no.” Spoiler alert: I’ll bet good money she doesn’t even ask. I’m betting she’ll smile big as she is suffused with that warm feeling of being protected and guided, and revel in that freedom from making decisions that all submissive crave.

Your submissive will be the better for it, and your relationship will be the better for it. Trust me.

What he said…